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MARTHA WILTSHIRE'S DIARY

March 16th 1849.
This day I am 70 years of age. It came all of a sudden one day that when I was 70 years old, I would write a sketch of my life. It is to you my dear children, I write these few lines to let you see how I was driven out into the world without Mother and I can say, worse than without a Father, because he gave me such trouble after my Mother's death.

I mention these things to bring to your minds how highly favoured you were in your bringing up under the care of a good father and a comfortable home and the privilege of learning - I was deprived of both.

When I began this, I did not think of saying anything of this, but meant to write down a few things as perhaps your children and your children's children would like to know where their grandmother came from as I was a stranger here and no one belonging to me here about.

I was born in Hilperton, one mile from Trowbridge, where I lived until I was between six and seven years old. I heard my mother say I was not seven when we went to live in Trowbridge.

Long before we left Hilperton I can remember very well two different houses we lived in at Hilperton. While there I can remember very well my mother telling me about Heaven and Hell and if I did such things I should ever go to God's almighty fine house. Before I was even seven years old, I had a dream and dreamed that I was to go to Hell. What made it worse my mother said that I deserved it.

At this time my mother and father and sister went every day to Trowbridge to work and I was left at home to take care of two younger than myself. There was a good old women at Hilperton, where I used to go to rest with my brother James on my back - he was so heavy. I never remember her telling me not to go to her house, nor to take the children there. When I told her that I was going to live at Trowbridge, she told me what pretty singing there was at the Tabernacle. This is where my mother brought us to hear and I was very fond, of going, in particular to hear the singing.

There was an old woman who lived at my mother's. She was a good reader. She used to read to my mother as my mother could not read and I was very fond of hearing her read "The Pilgrim's Progress" and telling her experiences to my mother. I remember one thing she said was that she thought someone must have gone and told the minister about her. Another thing that struck me very powerfully when she was reading about Christian and his companions going over the river, what difficulties they had to go through. Then came Ignorance, he had a ferry boat. I thought how much better that was, but what struck me with horror was that one looked over the gate and asked him for something he had not got. I was convinced directly that there was something to be had that I had not got, that I knowed I must have to go to Heaven. Sometime after that I was very ill and many thought I should die. I was very anxious to die but I knowed I was not born again. What that was I could not think but had a hope that I should soon know. I remember Mr Clark of the Tabernacle saying, "Sinner have thou never prayed? How doest thou not know that thy soul will not be required of thee this night?"

Another time he was describing what the sideways hearers was like. I knowed it was like my ways was. I seemed to hear and feel, but when I was out of Chapel I forgot all about it.

I was brought up to work at the clothing bar. My work was at the warping bar. I was not big enough to reach the work so I was obliged to step up on the block every time I came to the top bar.

I had no opportunity of learning to read but was very anxious to learn but no-one anxious for me, so I would go to a woman that kept a little children's school to read twice a day. After a while an Exciseman came to live at Trowbridge and kept a night school. My sister that was older than me went there. I was determined that I would go too. My father said I could not read. I do so well remember what I said that I would learn to write first and read after, so I went back but sometimes I was not able to go for a month together because of ill health but since I have been married how precious have these words come to my mind in a spiritual and temporal way -'I will bring the blind by a way they know not.'

When my husband has been from home and I had to go to the book to put things down, or to make a bill or take money, how my mind was led to bless and thank the Blessed Lord for his kind care over me when I knew it not, where my situation was to be, not what I should be called to attend to.

When I was about 15 years old my mother died. She left six of us, I was the oldest but one. I had very bad health. In about half a year after my mother's death, my father married again and got himself into a great deal of trouble and that shook me. I was very fond of my father but his troubles were so hard to bear, that I longed to leave home and go into service, what I knowed nothing about, but I had an aunt, my mother's sister that lived at Holt. She had a very large house and let part of it to ladies in the summer time.

One day my father said that if I finished my chain by such a day I should go to live with my aunt at Holt. At that time I was a weaver, I was obliged to stay up all night to do it. I went to my aunt's the Sunday before I left home on the Tuesday and told her what my father had said. She told me she was in need of someone because there was two ladies coming nexi week and I must come on Tuesday. I could not get ready till the afternoon. My aunt came quite close to the house to say that if I didn't come she must get someone else. If she had come, my father was such a hot headed man, I verily believe he would not let me went.

I have such numbers of times wondered at what would have moved my father to let me go as he was so much against it, and after I had been there sometime, he would come over and tell me that he could have me back as I was not of age. But the dear and Blessed Lord managed all this for me.

When the winter was coming on, the lady and her daughter was about to leave me aunt's lodgings and the old lady asked me if I would like to go with them. I was very glad indeed to do so and at Michelmas she brought me with them to Calne to be their servant.

With them I lived till I was married. I lived with them five years, a poor weaving girl taken from the loom to be a servant to real ladies, bred so but I know from hints that I heard they had seen different days.

We lived in a very good house where two servants used to be kept. The thing seemed impossible for such a poor know nothing as I had been brought up to do nothing of the kind as to cook fish, flesh and fowl. But the old lady and the young one too was very fond of me and I of them. We had a cookery book so by the help of that and their kindness and forbearance with my ignorance, we got on very well for my heart was in it

When we had lived at Calne for about twelve months, I was taken very ill. I was very anxious to go back to my aunts at Holt, but the doctor was very much against it, but I was determined to go, so my Mrs gave me leave and had a person to do my work. The people said that I went home to die.

In a month I was able to come back, it was a Sabbath day and my brother David brought me back, if I had stayed until Tuesday it would have been a month that my Mrs had waited for me to come back.

The next Wednesday, I heard people say there was a chapel opened up in the quarry at Calne. Seeing the people passing in the town, brought things so fresh to my mind, how delighted I was to go to the Tabernacle for Mr Clark's anniversary at Trowbridge. I was so please to see and hear so many fresh ministers.

Now I wanted very badly indeed to go to the quarry meeting, but I reasoned thus with myself - how can I think of asking to go to the quarry meeting when I only came back on Sunday and she had paid a woman to do my work for a month and did not bate my wages at all for it. I could not keep from asking her if I could go in the evening. She gave me leave to go and there seems something refreshing in it when I think upon it, although it is 51 years ago this November.

The next Sabbath evening I went again as evenings was my time to be out. I don't remember ever my Mrs finding fault with me if I was out until 9 o'clock, no enquiry what company I had been in. Being of a light turn of mind, I had a good number of acquaintances. What an unspeakable mercy I can see it since, that I was kept by the mighty power of God and knew it not because I was one blind to the dangers in which I was so madly pursuing. ' Till then I saw no danger nigh, I lived at ease nor feared to die.'

The next sermon I heard was the time of love to my never dying soul. The words that the deaunan of God, Mr Lucy took or had given him by the blessed Lord for his text was Proverbs 18:21 - 'The fear of the wicked, it shall come upon him, but the desire of the righteous shall be granted.' [Proverbs 10:24, see William & Martha’s memorial at Bremhill’s St. Martin’s church.] As he went on preaching and saying what the desires was, and what his own desires was when the Lord let him feel his love, that his desire was to die and be with the Lord and if he saw a corpse carried along he wished it was himself. I do well remember he said it was one of his desires of the new born soul, but he said that desire was not to be granted. If it was the World would be left without a witness. As he went on talking, I felt as I felt as I had never felt before. My eyes was opened my ears unstopped. I went home condemned with such a burden on my mind that I could not bear up under the weight of sin that I felt in particular the last year of my life.

Now there was no more walking with my worldly companions. I had no trouble to leave them off for my mind and heart and soul was turned round another way. I never remember walking with them afterwards.

I said nothing to anyone about what I felt nor where I had been, but my Mrs soon found it out because the burden was so heavy that it made my heart ache and my countenance sad. She began to enquire what was the matter with me.

I told her sin was the cause. She said, 'Believe me it is not, you are a good girl and do your duty.' I said, , I did to man, but not to God,' but her talk did not lighten my burden. There was such a concern to know what it was to be born again.

As I was one day in my work, cleaning the back parlour, mourning to think what it could be to be born again, the word of the dear man's text came so fresh to my mind and sunk so deep that it has never been forgotten though it is more than 50 years ago. ' The fear of the wicked it shall come upon him, but the desire of the righteous shall be granted.' It seemed as if someone had told me what it was to be born again. Oh how I longed to be under the preached word. The Bible was so precious to my never dying soul. I thought that if I had been upon the earth when Mary was washing Christ's feet, I must have pushed her away and washed his feet with my tears. Oh what sweetness I felt in my soul while weeping, but I did long to die to be with Christ. I really thought that I could never live long.

As my time was not my own until evening but if I could after my Mrs came from church and dined I put all straight and I would run to the house of God, where my burdened soul did get ease. If the service was half over, I did not mind that, I thought I should have a whole time at evening

One time I remember going in just as the text was named, I sit just within the door - the words was 'I will bring the blind by a way that they know not, I will lead them in paths that they have not known. I will make the darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These thing will I do unto them and not forsake them.' And these words were like apples of gold in pictures of silver. Oh how I did reckon the hours to go. I did so long to be there where my soul first drew the vital breath. I do not remember whether this was the words of Mr Lucy but they have just come to my mind with some refreshing.

The first Christmas day I ever heard him, his text was' Thou hast a few names even in Sardis which have not defiled their garments, but they shall walk with me in white, for they are worthy. '

But to go back - I was reading my Bible at the beginning of it, that it was translated out of the Greek and Latin tongues, the temptation set in upon me, how did I know that there was heaven and hell? Sometime after in the night as I was sleeping by myself in the top room of the house, I was waked by such heavy thunder and lightening. Oh how I rejoiced and said to myself, 'Now I know there is a heaven and God.' The temptation was gone.

My Mrs as at times very bitter against me on account of my religion and said I should leave the chapel or her house. Oh what trouble I was in but when the time came for me to go to the chapel she would say 'Matty you may go.' I did weep for joy and love my mistress and my God for constraining her to let me go.

The heaviest trust I then had in her service was when she did not wish to be seen when her company called on her. I was to say she was not at home. Oh what a trial that was to my poor quickened soul. I did so groan under the burden. One day I was in the cellar making raisin wine, thinking could there ever be forgiveness for such sins, the thought came to my mind Sarah laughed in her tent and she told the angel that she did not laugh, but he said to her 'Nay but thou didst laugh.' This was Abraham's wife and I thought she was a good women and so there will be forgiveness for me.

One day some lady called to see her when I had orders to say she was not at home - when I went back to my Mrs in my trembling condition I said to her 'I do believe ma'am, Miss Harrison thought you was at home.' Oh what a storm this brought forth on my troubled mind. She said she would go the lady and know in what manner I delivered the message and said who did I think would keep such a servant that would not do what she was told and if it was a lie it was hers and she did not think it wrong to tell a necessary lie.

One time in particular, under heavy persecuting I went to my box in the garret and opened on one of Mr Watts psalms. 'Lord I am thine but when wilt thou prove my love, my faith and my patience.' Oh how precious was this verse to me.

After all she was a good mistress to me and wished me to live with her till she died, but this was not to be.

After I had lived with her for five year and a half, I was married, which she did not approve of, but when she found that she could not prevail with me, she said I must get one of the girls ready for her, which was the case. My husband had three daughters and two sons, the oldest was a daughter of twelve when I was married. When she was twenty she went to live with the old lady for five years. The second girl went to live with the lady for eight years.

After I was married twelve years, it was I believe the pleasure of the Almighty to give us a Chapel at Studley to worship his name for which my soul was so longing because of my numerous family, (my husband five and I had eleven, ten sons and one daughter). I remember one Sabbath when we were coming along the road from Chippenham, for that was where my husband and I were members. I said I did not want to live in the town. All I wanted was a place to worship God on the Sabbath, and in the week to have my children with me, I said that was all I wanted to make me happy. We used to take as many as we could to Chippenham, some were obliged to mind the little ones.

Sometimes my mind was harassed terribly while away thinking the house would be on fire and the little ones hurt, but I do not remember that ever anything happened to hurt them all the years we travelled hear the Everlasting Gospel.

Well may we poor souls at Studley say, Is anything too hard for the Lord to do, who could have thought of such a thing as for the Lord to give us at Studley a chapel to worship his holy name in. But not only that but to send us his own sent servants, not man made persons, but the precious God taught and God sent poor weavers, shoemakers, carpenters and the like.

It just strikes my mind, when I was in Bath begging to payoff the debt that was a heavy burden to my mind, till it was paid off. There was a Mr Harris that used to preach at Chippenham, he was very kind to go about Bath with me. He was giving his advice as to how we was to do it, we was to have such and such ministers, as he pointed to me. I said to him 'I hope the Lord will send by whom he will send' and then I told him we must have a Bible. He told me I was not to do as I liked with the money but I knowed we must have a Bible, so I bought the Bible, and I think it was fifteen pounds.

That was in 1814, and the ever precious Lord has continued the precious, unspeakable favour to this 1850 to send us his own Blood bought and God taught poor tried servants to go before us, to pick up the stumbling blocks out of the way, and to preach the salvation by Jesus Christ for poor, lost self condemned sinners. I believe that many poor souls can say that Studley Chapel was Zion's sacred chamber where the soul first drew vital breath.

I have heard my poor dear husband say, after hearing Mr Warburton preach one night, that the sermon was worth all the trouble he had ever had in building the Chapel, and sending far and near to get Ministers and keep them and their horses. I never knowed him charge anything for firing the vestry or candles for the Chapel or entertaining the parsons.

He gave the ground for the building of the Chapel, the farmers around sent their men and horses to help.

Mr Opel Smith or Bath came and fixed upon the place with my husband. Mr Opel Smith gave five pounds, the Marquis of Landsdowne gave ten pounds, Mr Broad one pound, so we had a book and went to work to see what we could get. The Blessed Lord I believe going before us.

My husband had a sawpit made before our door, he bought the timber, labourers that could saw worked it for nothing. This was the beginning of Studley Chapel.

Now, my dear children, look at what your dear father had to go through before it was finished, and he told me that one sermons was worth all the pains he had in all he done. Then was my Spirit rested when it was began, but before I was like as the old saying is 'like a troubled sea.' Before we had preaching here in a room but we was to leave that room and these words did ring in my head 'Into whatsoever place ye enter, if they will not receive you, shake off the dust of your feet against them.' I did go about the house groaning and begging of the Lord to let me know when it would be.

I was fidgety with my husband. he would say to me - 'Mother' for so he called me 'Thee wilt pull me into the ditch.' He would say where did I think Parsons would come from? I believed that God would send us Parsons. I told him that God would make Parsons out of hedgers and ditchers. He would say how did I think it would be supported? I said that the cattle upon a thousand hills was the Lords and he could give us a bit of bread and cheese for them. But after we had the Chapel, I don't ever remember him finding anything too much for the cause, but always tried to get the most faithful ministers he could and entertain them well when he had them.

I have not put pen to paper since the death of Gideon's wife till now which is 16 months and 26 days. She died the first of April 1851 and this is the 21st day August 1852. He is remarried this day and I have reason to believe that they are both brought by the Holy Spirit and grace of God to know that they are sinners. My soul's desire is that the Blessed Lord will bless them both together and make them concerned to bear each other's burdens.

1853
The 16th of March, this day I am 74 years old. My mind is impressed to acknowledge the great and loving kindness of the Almighty in preserving my son George's dear wife through the great danger of the past night, and brought her safely through when her life seemed to hang in doubt for many hours. I wished the babe to be named Mary and it is so, for I have known and experienced it so many times that Mary is welcome news indeed to those who guilty stand and will not and do not such poor wretches as I daily feel myself to be 'Bless the Helping hand. '

Now my dear children I should like to lead you back to the death of your father, which was the 5th day of December 1836. We was married Oct. 4th 1802, we lived together 33 years, when I look back upon it, it is gone like a tale that is told, it seems to have fled so fast. He left 15 children, his five by his first wife, and ten of mine. One of hers died and one of mine lived just 7 years and 5 moths. Scores of times I have found these words to be a support to me. 'I will bring the blind by a way they know not, I will make darkness light before them and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them and not forsake them. '

I do well remember that dear man of God, Mr Lucy, preach from these words when I lived in service in Calne. It was one afternoon. My time was not to be out until the evening, but if I could scramble to go in the afternoon, even if it was half over, I went. I was just soon enough to hear the text, shame was lost in hunger and thirst after righteousness. I did say to myself, I shall have a whole time in the evening, it was there I found bread to eat that the world knew nothing of.

The second day of Sept. 1853
The clock has just gone three, I have laid sleepless grieving because I feel so lifeless, cold, barren, fearing and knowing that past experience was nothing to rest upon, these lines came into my poor heart
'Empty polluted, dark and vain,
Is all the world to me.
May I the better world obtain,
For there I long to be. '

When your dear father died there was ten not married - Mary, Betty, Harriet, George, Josiah, Nathan, Gideon, Levi, Simeon and Betty's daughter about 13 years old and poor little Simeon about 11 years old and now he is 30 years next April and quite as unable of taking care of himself and earning his bread as ever he was. I am afraid to go from home and leave him, he will throw himself into such a rage and stamp about the house like a mad man if anyone aggravates him. My brother James, who I am compelled to have live with me, is a great aggravator to him, especially when my back is turned. He is 70 years old, and what is worse, a professor of religion for more than 20 years, a member of the Independent Chapel at Bradford. Oh, what is like a professor of the name of Christ, but in works to deny him in life and conversation. These are some of the trials I have in my old age. My dear believing grandchildren, as I hope if it is the will of God, many of you out of such a goodly number, may be - the real blood bought children of God. Oh, if it was his will everyone that is, and that may be born, and have to say 'We are old William Wiltshire's grandchildren.'

If it was the will of the Lord to answer their dear Grandfather's prayers that he did so often beg of the Lord that not a hoof of them might be left behind when he made up his jewels.

(Here follows excerpts of texts and sermons)

Sometime I was so harassed in my mind that I should be like Judas at the last because I had the bag. What I mean by this is, when the ever blessed Lord gave us a place to worship his Holy name in, there was a man in Studley to help my husband either in prayer or at Chapel or whatever expenses attended to get ministers. After a time there was a quarterly collection, so he had the bag and paid the expenses. This continued until his death. After his death, I wished the deacons to take all but they wished it to go on as it had been, for me to receive all and to pay all. I believe it was the enemy that harassed my poor soul and I should be lost at the last. For Judas was permitted to be with Christ to the last and had the bag. When Mr Warburton was at our house, I told him I was terrified in mind, He said 'Ha Ha, Judas never cared anything about it.' I felt as if a burden had been taken off my mind, and I have to be thankful now that I have neither the bag or the burden.

(More quotations from the Bible and sermons)

The second day of October, Nathan's second child died, she was his complete idol. Oh how anxious I am that the blessed Lord would sanctify her never dying soul. It was with distress I was with Nathan. She was three years and five months and died in croup.

This is the 22nd day of October, a day much dreaded by me. The only reason being that I am come to the time of life that is spoken of in the preached word of God when the grasshopper is a burden. However the very things I longed for took place - my son's wife was baptised and also my dear granddaughter Martha Cole - both baptised on October 22nd.

Oh, what a remarkable ever to be remembered month this has been to me over the last 52 years. October was my wedding day 7th. Nathan's child Emma died on Oct. 22nd and my daughter in law Eliza Wiltshire was baptised and Martha Cole my dear granddaughter.

This is the 16th day of March 1855. I am 76 years of age this day. This has been a very trying winter for me, I find myself getting very feeble and at time unable to do what I have got to do.

I think very often that my time here may not be long but my anxious concern is when shall I be ready. My dear children, when any of you find this scroll after I am dead, do not let anyone see it, but among yourselves that have the fear of God implanted in your souls - to the rest it would seem complete nonsense. They might think it a waste of time and paper, but the main of it was written when all the rest was in bed and asleep, and I could not sleep, so it passed many a sleepless hour.

(More excepts from sermons and texts)

I lay a long time sleepless, grieving about the disease in the potatoes. As I have been to see one of my dear blood-bought, God taught children being ill, it is about 3 miles from home. I do not mention no names, but it may be that this scroll may come into your hands my dear children, that's better fed. My mind is so impressed to tell you what we had for dinner - 8 children and their father and mother and myself - it was half of a sheep's head.

(Here follows accounts of many sermons and Bible readings)

A fresh unexpected trial has come upon me, I have been poorly for some months past with my breath so bad, but now I fear it is dropsy. But my heaviest trail is to leave my poor Simeon behind me. He and I have been crying together, poor child.

He would say 'Can't live without you.' He is 33 this month, April, but destitute of knowledge to do for himself.

This morning, October 6th, I felt myself very poorly at the top part of my head as though I should fall again, so I stayed in bed after breakfast and read the 4th chapter of John.
This day my first dear granddaughter is' married to Mr Edmond Pocock, the 19th November 1857 and gone to live at Hazeland Farm.

Just beginning to know about their being in the World and to manage for themselves. Her brother in law Uncle Davis is to be buried today, he died the 24th of December 1857 and I fully expect to be the next. For a long time it has been expected that I should go first, judging from the weakness of my body.

This month the 16th March I am 79 years old and I believe' Thus far my God has led me on.'

1st April Easter Sunday. This was a very trying night to me. I was in such pain with my leg and foot. I got out of bed and had them dressed with a change of ointment, soon found them better so I could read, happened to open the 5th chapter of Galatians, first verse, 'Stand fast therefore in the liberty where with Christ has made us free.' How good it was. I do not remember when I have had such a sudden lift of bondage and darkness. Oh. How I did long for precious Jesus. Oh how I dreaded dying in the dark.