REDNECKS' GUIDE TO COMPUTER LINGO

LOG ON: Making the wood stove hotter

LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.

MONITOR: Keepin' an eye on that woodstove.

DOWNLOAD: Gettin' the farwood of'n the truck.

MEGA HERTZ: When yer not careful gettin' that farwood of'n the truck.

FLOPPY DISK: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood.

RAM: That's the thing whut splits the farwood.

HARD DRIVE: Gettin' home in the winter taim.

PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter taim.

WINDOWS: Whut to shut in the winter taim.

SCREEN: Whut to shut when it's black fly season.

BYTE: Whut them dang flys do.

CHIP: Munchies fer the TV

MICRO CHIP: Whuts left in the munchie bag.

INFARED: Whur the left over munchies go. Fred eats 'em.

MODEM: Whutcha did to the hay fields.

DOT MATRIX: Ol' Dan Matrix's wife.

LAP TOP: Whur the kitty sleeps.

KEYBOARD: Whur ya hang the dang keys.

SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic knifes and forks.

MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn.

MAIN FRAME: Whut hole's up the barn roof.

PORT: Fancy flatlander wine.

ENTER: Northern for "come on in, y'all."