Clean ears, by ducky

	Clean ears, by ducky
Some People's Parents	Prev \| TOC \| Next

"Honey, do you think you can give the little one a bath?"

"Sure," I said absently into my book, then looked up at my wife's frown and put the book down. "Sure, we can do that, can't we, little one?"

"We can try, Daddy." Some of my wife's skepticism seemed to be rubbing off.

A few minutes later, the little one was in the bath and playing with water toys, when she stopped splashing and looked intently at me. "Daddy?"

"Yes, little one?" I stopped sending the rubber duck up the side of the tub and down the waterfall at the tap.

"Did you have taps and lights when you were little?"

"Yes, we had taps with hot and cold water and electric lights, just like these."

"Honey!" Was this long range supervision? "Will you remember to wash her ears, with soap?" Definitely supervision.

"Yes, dear. Thanks for the reminder."

"You're welcome, honey."

"Daddy? Did you have to use soap when you were little?"

"Yes, we did, little one." The rubber ducky was moving again, this time over to the towel rack in search of a wash cloth.

"Was everything the same as it is today?"

"No, lots of things were different." The rubber ducky found a cloth and brought it back. "We lived on a farm, so the nearest family wasn't a few feet away on the other side of the wall. They were a 10 minute walk away, about as far as walking to the mall. Whoops!" The rubber ducky fell over the edge of the tub, complete with now-wet wash cloth.

The little one giggled.

"We had wood stoves for heat and we grew our own potatoes and stuff."

"What's a wood stove, Daddy?" The rubber ducky had the wash cloth over his beak and was trying to clean an ear. Little one giggled, but held still for it.

"A wood stove is a way of heating the house. You put paper and wood in it and set fire to them. You have to chop the wood up in small pieces. A whole tree is way too big."

"How do you chop wood, Daddy?"

"With an axe. An axe has a handle about three feet long." I looked around and the water wheel toy was the closest thing to an axe. It was about two feet tall, with a handle sized top, and a bigger bottom. I picked it up by the top.

"An axe is a bit longer than this, with a long handle and a heavy sharp end for splitting the wood. You swing the axe over your head so it hits a block of wood and splits it, like so." The 'axe' smashed into the water and the poor rubber ducky was thrown against the taps and fell into the water. Little one squealed with delight at being splashed.

Mom called up from downstairs, "Honey, what are you doing? Are you two okay?"

"It's OK. We're just telling a story."

"About what, a tidal wave? Or a war?" Hmmm, that wasn't sarcasm, that was exasperation.

"No, just about using a wood stove."

"Let me guess, you were chopping the wood, right?" Now that was sarcasm.

"We-ell, yes."

"I love you, honey, but you are an idiot sometimes, you know."

"Daddy's fun!" My little defender stood up and shouted in stiff, whole body indignation.

"All right, dear, if you say so." That was parent placating petulant child. Not very convincing, either.

"What else did you do, Daddy?" The little one's eyes were sparkling.

"Well, we had an old-style toaster, not the new kind that pops up."

"How did you get the toast out, Daddy?"

"Well, you could open up a door on one side," I said, demonstrating by plunking the wet cloth against a small chest and pulling it back to look behind it. That got a giggle. "And it only cooked the toast one side a a time."

"Why, Daddy?"

"Because the hot part was on the inside, and not on the door."

"Oh," a furrowed forehead indicated thinking was going on. "So how did you cook the other side?"

"We took the toast out, and turned it over."

"Wasn't the toast too hot to pick up?"

"Yes, so you had to do it quickly," the rubber ducky was cleaning the other ear this time. "to keep from burning your fingers."

"Did you burn your fingers on the toast, Daddy?"

"No, little one."

"Huh?" Daddy? not burning stuff? This was apparently a big surprise!

"No, the toast wouldn't burn you if you moved quickly. I burned my fingers on the toaster, and my thumbs, and the back of my hand, and my arm." Each time I pointed at a part that got burnt, a giggle came, louder and louder each time. "And once, I burnt ... my nose!"

That got shrieks of laughter!

"Honey, are you two all right in there?"

"He burnt his nose on the toaster, Mommy!"

"Of course he did, dear." Now that was a patronizing tone. Can't a guy exaggerate for the kids once in a while? Wait, she didn't believe it, did she?

"Are there still toasters like that, Daddy?" I started getting the little one out of the tub, all wrapped up in a towel.

"Yes, they use ones like that for camping."

"I want to see you burn your nose!"

"Not if I can help it. That would probably hurt."

"Oh, a booboo. I kiss it better," and to my surprise the little one kissed me on the nose. Maybe Mommy wasn't the only one who believed my exaggerations.

A few minutes later we were in the kitchen, looking for milk and cookies before bed.

"Did Daddy wash your ears, little one?"

"No, Mommy," I was getting the start of the raised eyebrows look when the little one saved me by finishing the sentence. "The rubber ducky cleaned both my ears, with the cloth and the soap, and rinsed them, just like you do, only more fun."

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